


Oh Flambunctous Bella

by BlueNeutrino



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Humor, Parody, Poetry, Vogon poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:09:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1252231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueNeutrino/pseuds/BlueNeutrino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The love story of Bella and Edward…in the form of Vogon poetry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Flambunctous Bella

**Author's Note:**

> Qwertee are having a Vogon poetry competition, and, well, I thought to put a Twilight twist on it. Cover your eyes. Have pain killers on hand. The third worst poetry in the universe is almost the ideal medium for recounting the second worst* love story ever told.

Oh flambunctous Bella  
In the miredom of biology class  
When I first laid eyes upon you  
Your whiffering scent like the vapors  
Of an old lady’s living room  
Did captivate my desterbudent senses  
And I did desire to drink your blood  
Like a lukewarm cup of tea  
That has been stood, drowsily  
For days upon the kitchen counter  
  
Never shall I forget  
Your follumness when you first did see  
My skin poforescently shimmering  
Like mould on a birthday cake  
Dipped in glitter  
And you should wonder  
In the vomit yellow light of the meadow  
At the appeal of sanguinovorous beings  
While you make fluffy gomplelungs  
Out of Pushian friends

Oh flambunctous Bella  
Why could you not ropendigate?  
When I left behind the town  
Named of kitchen utensils  
To stop you bodithering  
Yet you leapt, sompanduously  
From a cliff  
And I cried out in blomtence  
And went to sparkle  
As punishment in the land of pizza

Behold, Volterra  
Blumticient city!  
Glorious as the armpit of the grundibund!  
Magnificent as the snickelwharf’s toes!  
Where I went to glitter  
In the bulbous daylight  
Wembling and floogling  
At a carnival of red cardigans  
The splatterness is near upon me  
And I sigh and glorp in despair  
  
But cry moose!  
The flambunctous one lives!  
What redunctiousness! Hobberglump!  
Yet too late for us to duckerblast  
The merkelflescent royalty summon us  
Ack! Glorp! _Volturi!_  
They wish to verpel and repomble  
Rotundly, we somblorforesce  
They grant us nombilescence  
And back to Pluralised Cutlery we go

Returning, we hail glandunctious  
Yet the fluffy ones vomborpulate  
Oh Bella, my flomply one  
Were not danger rocupulent!  
For the sanguinovorous one with hair  
The colour of the Red Leicester cheese  
Languishing at the back of my fridge  
Has sought to come to Kitchen Utensils!  
Fluffies and sanguinovorous ones must assemble  
And somblifoidal battle will be fought

Hic! Dollorp!  
The gollumpified confrontation rages  
And in ending solludently  
Rodiloggs are flambulised as copples  
Now Bella! Flambunctous! Birefringent!  
We shall be thriffled and wedded  
Vampilify, a ceremony soquedacious!  
Where the fluffy gomplelungs twibble  
And the fongles come to contuppelate and boffle us  
With dwerpwarbling

Then to bobblelombering island we go!  
Where pools like the saliva of the great Snockerwomble  
Flimber in the moonlight  
Bella, thou art glortebiful!  
But ack! Unwanted filluffering!  
Back to the land that is not spoons  
Where help shall be lomberified  
Is where we must go  
And soon, after gollunduries have passed  
Behold the glombelrous new soggling

But melliflebbantness, so shortlived!  
Merkelflescent royalty flungulate us  
There is danger redunkering in the air  
And we must call to rofferderings and flumperderlungs  
Across the land, come aid us!  
And soon all comporfulrate in Knife Opposites  
The merkelflescents thobble  
We are gwarpinderated! For lumperdusts!  
And there ends the saga of the flambunctous Bella  
And I Edward, her forlumgrent detwiffered one

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> *Depending on your viewpoint. I’m placing Anastasia Steele & Christian Grey in first.


End file.
